Sex, Money and Relationships: Intuitively we understand relationships are like the pea pod and sex and money are the peas-they go together.
The mindset we use to think about them however, is usually disconnected. Our proclivity to see sex, money and relationship as separate entities prevents the holistic vision we need to harvest their value.
Consider for a moment that sex and money can bless a relationship or curse it. Consider each can become such an obsession it can cloud a relationship’s natural balance. Consider the opportunities for sharing or intimacy and opportunities to manipulate or control that sex and money can bring.
While we individually choose the structure of sex and money in our relationships, most of these choices are influenced by our past, and occur by default settings of our cultural milieu.
One of the greatest sources of awakening in our life is sex, money and relationships. They are mirrors, to reflect what lies deep within us.
How does a couple, not receiving mutual satisfaction from sexual relations navigate the difficulty? Blame? Guilt? Avoidance? Openness? Compassion? Hopeful?
When one person is a spender and the other a saver, and neither are agreeable with the tenability of the finances, how to cope? Finding ‘facts’ to prove you are right? Nagging? Retaliation spending? Compromise? Impartial? Honoring?
Everyone has a shadow
Spirit will see each one of these circumstances as the opportunity to discover who we really are. Spirit will observe how we are showing up in the world and if the way we show up gives us sustainable peace.
Have you ever met someone who is desperate for Sex, Money or Relationship—in fact they are dis-spirited? A dis-spirited person is a wanting, craving machine. You can’t be hooked by this wanting of the shadow, if, Spirit is engaged. (Notice I didn’t say you wouldn’t have wants). Spirit doesn’t need a body, but bodies can’t exist without Spirit. Everything in this world is about Spirit or Energy or the Formless. Even the forms of sex, money and relationships.
The dance of the form and formless is called duality. The body and the apparent needs of the body juxtaposed to the already complete whole of Spirit. With sex and money we habitually bring the needs of the body to bear on the Spirit. We could train our minds to bring Spirit to bear on the needs of the body. Ego’s rational against doing the latter, is based upon the concept of sacrifice. Ego believes it looses if another gains-even if the other is the formless. This is one of the vicious lies of the ego.
While in duality we can never ignore or abandon the body. To honor our life is to experience the pleasures and sorrows, with the goal of meeting the form of the pleasure and sorrow to further our awareness of consciousness itself.
We have so many justifications as to why we will attend to sex and money later. It is as if we think of them as “topics.” Can you imagine saying: (and by all means fill in your circumstance)
“Honey I wonder if you fake orgasms?”
Or “sex seems like a subject we both have many taboos in discussing, maybe we should get some help?”
Or “I’ve noticed significant spending on extra’s and yet when I spend some money I get the feeling you are upset with me”
Or “I can see when it time to pay the bills your mood changes, can we talk about it?”
Clearly these are not complicated words, but their meaning points to intimacy, and if you lack intimacy with your self, you will shun intimacy with others.Ego will think intimacy means things like:
You are comfortable masturbating
You know all your lover’s erogenous zones
I practice self-care, I treat myself to perks here and there
Spiritual people do not think about sex or money
Spirit will have you looking for the oneness in all situations: and the place to start is to remove the blocks to your awareness of oneness. You move out of the ‘me’ and ‘you’–past the ‘we,’ into the awareness that this moment is all there is, and your authentic self is honest about whatever is happening in this moment.
Spirit requires no sacrifice, and it also honors what is. It means what it says and it says what it means:
“I am more relaxed and I enjoy our sex, when you have taken care of the personal hygiene.” (or I am not tired–fill in the blank!)
“We seem to have a pattern with the same positions, same choreography, I’d like to try something different, how about you?”
“I am nervous when I hear you say the words, ‘I am going shopping,” I like to share with you how I feel, is that okay?”
“I am uncomfortable that I don’t know much about how you spend money, what your priorities are with money, but you complain about (brag about) money frequently, I’d like to understand better…”
Working with Spirit is preventive, proactive. It maintains the balance of your relationship to the form of sex or money.
Knowing there are hundreds of nerve endings in the clitoris is useful if you intend to bless yourself or your partner with enjoyment. It’s ugly if you intend to abuse a child.
Earning a living that allows for enjoyment of various forms here in earth school can bless by education or travel or it can be wielded to inflict guilt and the yolk of obligation.
Your answer to the question, “What is this for?” In every circumstance with every form, will signal which side of duality you currently inhabit. Part of the human experience is to frequently inhabit the ego side. I want to leave you with pointers–think of moving from one end of a continuum to another—to bring Spirit to bear on your sex, money and relationships:
From To
Exploitive Valuing
Impulsive Spontaneous
Indebted Grateful
Promoting Encouraging
Picturing Vision
Resenting Forgiving
Demanding Requesting
Prizing Cherishing
Reckless Courageous
Controlling Allowing
Excessive Abundant
Somber Humorous
Restricting Liberating
Artificial Natural
Belligerent Peaceful
May your relationships, including the one to your self, be a blessing and be blessed.
Karen
I think I need to read this again and again. So many nuggets. Thank you.
It’s like you always say-complexity of form doesn’t imply complexity of content. admitedly I get lost on the sex and money. sex feels like a ‘will i get some’ will she be upset and not want to. or why can’t it be like this, when it is good, more often.
I’m open to your comments. Thank you
There are so many great reminders in your words…reminders to live authentically…and by that I man as we were born to live, in our essence of love and wholeness. For me, sex and money have the same result of being gifts to being whole and then I can share that wholeness with my partner, and everyone in my life. I too, will have to read this again because I can digest it in small pieces at a time so I can work on each guiding piece of information. Thank you so much for spelling it out like this. I plan to share it with many so please know that your work is being paid forward!
Thank you, Karen. The connections among sex, money and relationships also extend to generosity and stinginess. It’s impossible to be a good lover without being generous, and sharing resources is an important part of relationships as well. In both cases, equity is important to ensure that both partners give as well as receive. I think spirit comes into play when that balance is achieved.
Oh wow. I like the list at the end! I think giving and receiving are very important, but I notice ego is poor at balance and I would think any balance comes from being whole and complete, like you said, bringing the needs of the body to the Spirit.
I also realized I have had stingy lovers, I can see it also extended far beyond the bedroom (i didn’t see it at the time). I have had men be generous with money only to expect sex. It’s all ego and no Spirit at that point.
I am going to cut out that continuium and put it in my purse! Thank you
Guys do not want to go there! “have you faked an orgasm?” Yes, spirit welcomes intimacy, but guys don’t want to go there
Okay, not to get hung up on the sex part but don’t all women fake it from time to time? So you are saying Spirit would have us see it for what it is, perhaps kindness to not hurt a lover’s feelings, or lack of awareness as to what does lead to climax–and be okay with it and accept it and deal with it???? How do you do all of that at the same time?
Yes, women fake it from time to time. Yes, there is a host of reasons, yes, it would be nice to not be in the position of faking it! LOL. Much to re-read. Thanks. C
Freaking awesome write up! It really spoke to the “core” of my being. I love the language and the concept of duality. This one hit on so many levels and it shows that you have a real talent to explain as well as help others through your work. It made me stop to reflect on a few things as I was reading.
Thank You for sharing!
Thanks for stopping by and letting me know Raj–duality is part of the mystery of life and we are so much richer when we embrace it, instead of trying to vanquish it.
Part of becoming a healthy woman is taking responsibility for every aspect of life, including how the body works. Sooner or later every woman figures out they need to take responsibility for their orgasms. How their partner is showing up, can assist or detract. So yes, it’s a good bet at some time or another in the taking responsibility, an orgasms is faked. Do yourself a favor and don’t read any meanings into faking an orgasm, but rather focus on the mutual enjoyment healthy sex brings, and removing the blocks (communication) to that enjoyment.
Thanks Robbie, you hit the nail on the head: live authentically, with the blessing and grace of Spirit we have so much more to share and give. You didn’t leave the link to your site–which rocks! So I will: http://www.beautyofwisdom.com –can’t wait for your book!
I love that comment–giving and receiving are part of the same energetic loop and you can do that with out equality. Thanks Melanie!
Sarah, you’ll love the continuum -I find it is a major transformer. Remember it’s a circle–the sacred spiral. Blessings, Karen