Sustainable Prosperity
Aligning Spirit and the World of Form

Archive for February, 2010

Sex, Money and Relationships: Dos

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

In Part one of Sex, Money and Relationships, (Part one can be read here: I laid the foundation of duality, and suggested the needs of the body hooked us, thereby tethering us to one side of the duality. I suggested looking at the needs of the body as one end of a continuum and the power of the Spirit as the other end. The continuum is not opposites; indeed the continuum is a Sacred Spiral. Each time we circle the Spiral we will have had to transcend some aspect of the duality.

For a host of reasons having to do with our old ‘lizard brain’ and our indoctrination, sex, money and relationships are inexorably intertwined. Think about this for a minute: If the people down the street from where you grew up raised you, you’d be a different person.

What YOU actually think about sex and money and relationships most likely is a mystery unless you have undertaken a rigorous Spiritual Path. To some degree, you are a compilation –a collage if you will- of influences and histories.

What you like to think of as your identity, the story of your life that you call ‘me”, ‘Mine”, “I” actually isn’t you.  To find our self, we journey the Sacred Spiral.  Sex, money, relationships are choice points on this Spiral: do we stay with the old collage or step onto the unknown territory of our authenticity?

There is nothing authentic about faking enjoyment of either money or sex. There is nothing authentic about pretending you are better because you have money or sex.

Without mutual Trust, Respect, Equality, Generosity, Compassion, Sharing (just to name a few Spiritual Principals) in a relationship, your Sacred Spiral flat lines.

More, more, more to some extent is a normal human thought. Acting upon the more, more, more takes your life straight to hell. What do I mean by hell? Hell is the belief in separation: that the body is it, you are your body and you are your thoughts. Pure hell.

Heaven on earth is an awareness of our oneness-regardless of the duality our 5 sensory perceptions report. Heaven is our ability to answer the question, “what is this for?” with the affirmation, “Oneness.”

Our ego can operate with the shadow and to a limited extent the light. It’s ego’s nature to fixate on 5 sensory perceptions-which is a limitation-a natural glass ceiling. Ego can only deliver you so far. After that, your ascension is a result of two things: your willingness to have an authentic experience of your true self, and your ability to surrender to the greater Cosmic Forces knowing all is well.

In duality you are either going to learn through Joy or through Pain. It’s the duality within the duality. You either hit the glass ceiling with Joy or in pain.

Translated to sex:

The use of your body is oneness. Every experience is a joyful one to oneness or a painful one to separation. You either accept that you want to learn through Joy so you understand what turns you on-or you are at the effect of the shadow and playing victim with an unsatisfied sex life.

Translated to money:

The use of your money is oneness. Every experience you have is either seen as part of the Principal of Giving and receiving, equal exchanges of energy, blessings everyone and everything-or it is an experience of lack and limitation, which then co-creates more lack and limitation.

Some explicit examples:

“I’ve lost a third of my money in the market.” When I ask the questions:

How was your money invested?

How much money did you begin with?

I always uncover the person had no idea their money was invested in junk, because, “that’s my financial planner’s job.” I also uncover the money is invested in opposition to their values (like oil and gas because they need to be “diversified” when they claim they want to be green) and it always comes to light they have much more money now than when they started, but some how they convince themselves they have lost something.

Here is an example with sex:

“I know we have children and all that, but we are always tired, or running here and there, we don’t have time for sex.”

And of course a deeper inquiry reveals that carpooling, sitters, and play-dates are all underutilized, and no one is a victim. We are always choosing heaven or hell. Consciously or unconsciously. Not choosing is even a choice.

So here is my question for you: Do you want to learn in this Duality through Joy or Pain?

Now look at your sex, money and relationships and see what blocks your awareness of your oneness?

I hope you use Valentines Day, not as the commercialized, secularized contemporized event it has become-but as the time to recommit to yourself, your partner to learn oneness through Joy.

May you have heaven on earth.

Sex, Money and Relationships

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

Sex, Money and Relationships: Intuitively we understand relationships are like the pea pod and sex and money are the peas-they go together.

The mindset we use to think about them however, is usually disconnected. Our proclivity to see sex, money and relationship as separate entities prevents the holistic vision we need to harvest their value.

Consider for a moment that sex and money can bless a relationship or curse it. Consider each can become such an obsession it can cloud a relationship’s natural balance. Consider the opportunities for sharing or intimacy and opportunities to manipulate or control that sex and money can bring.

While we individually choose the structure of sex and money in our relationships, most of these choices are influenced by our past, and occur by default settings of our cultural milieu.

One of the greatest sources of awakening in our life is sex, money and relationships. They are mirrors, to reflect what lies deep within us.

How does a couple, not receiving mutual satisfaction from sexual relations navigate the difficulty? Blame? Guilt? Avoidance? Openness? Compassion? Hopeful?

When one person is a spender and the other a saver, and neither are agreeable with the tenability of the finances, how to cope? Finding ‘facts’ to prove you are right? Nagging? Retaliation spending? Compromise? Impartial? Honoring?

Everyone has a shadow

The smaller self, the shadow, will claim the problem is the sex or the money, what the other is doing or not doing and make proclamations about how things should be. The shadow stays on the surface, looking outside for the world to dictate proper action. This is the basis of all discussions of better and more with both sex and money.

Spirit will see each one of these circumstances as the opportunity to discover who we really are. Spirit will observe how we are showing up in the world and if the way we show up gives us sustainable peace.

Have you ever met someone who is desperate for Sex, Money or Relationship—in fact they are dis-spirited? A dis-spirited person is a wanting, craving machine. You can’t be hooked by this wanting of the shadow, if, Spirit is engaged. (Notice I didn’t say you wouldn’t have wants). Spirit doesn’t need a body, but bodies can’t exist without Spirit. Everything in this world is about Spirit or Energy or the Formless. Even the forms of sex, money and relationships.

The dance of the form and formless is called duality.  The body and the apparent needs of the body juxtaposed to the already complete whole of Spirit. With sex and money we habitually bring the needs of the body to bear on the Spirit.  We could train our minds to bring Spirit to bear on the needs of the body. Ego’s rational against doing the latter, is based upon the concept of sacrifice. Ego believes it looses if another gains-even if the other is the formless. This is one of the vicious lies of the ego.

While in duality we can never ignore or abandon the body. To honor our life is to experience the pleasures and sorrows, with the goal of meeting the form of the pleasure and sorrow to further our awareness of consciousness itself.

We have so many justifications as to why we will attend to sex and money later. It is as if we think of them as “topics.”  Can you imagine saying: (and by all means fill in your circumstance)

“Honey I wonder if you fake orgasms?”

Or “sex seems like a subject we both have many taboos in discussing, maybe we should get some help?”

Or “I’ve noticed significant spending on extra’s and yet when I spend some money I get the feeling you are upset with me”

Or “I can see when it time to pay the bills your mood changes, can we talk about it?”

Clearly these are not complicated words, but their meaning points to intimacy, and if you lack intimacy with your self, you will shun intimacy with others.

Ego will think intimacy means things like:

You are comfortable masturbating

You know all your lover’s erogenous zones

I practice self-care, I treat myself to perks here and there

Spiritual people do not think about sex or money

Spirit will have you looking for the oneness in all situations: and the place to start is to remove the blocks to your awareness of oneness. You move out of the ‘me’ and ‘you’–past the ‘we,’ into the awareness that this moment is all there is, and your authentic self is honest about whatever is happening in this moment.

Spirit requires no sacrifice, and it also honors what is. It means what it says and it says what it means:

“I am more relaxed and I enjoy our sex, when you have taken care of the personal hygiene.” (or I am not tired–fill in the blank!)

“We seem to have a pattern with the same positions, same choreography, I’d like to try something different, how about you?”

“I am nervous when I hear you say the words, ‘I am going shopping,” I like to share with you how I feel, is that okay?”

“I am uncomfortable that I don’t know much about how you spend money, what your priorities are with money, but you complain about (brag about) money frequently, I’d like to understand better…”

Working with Spirit is preventive, proactive. It maintains the balance of your relationship to the form of sex or money.

Knowing there are hundreds of nerve endings in the clitoris is useful if you intend to bless yourself or your partner with enjoyment. It’s ugly if you intend to abuse a child.

Earning a living that allows for enjoyment of various forms here in earth school can bless by education or travel or it can be wielded to inflict guilt and the yolk of obligation.

Your answer to the question, “What is this for?” In every circumstance with every form, will signal which side of duality you currently inhabit. Part of the human experience is to frequently inhabit the ego side. I want to leave you with pointers–think of moving from one end of a continuum to another—to bring Spirit to bear on your sex, money and relationships:

From                                    To

Exploitive                           Valuing

Impulsive                           Spontaneous

Indebted                             Grateful

Promoting                          Encouraging

Picturing                            Vision

Resenting                           Forgiving

Demanding                        Requesting

Prizing                               Cherishing

Reckless                             Courageous

Controlling                        Allowing

Excessive                           Abundant

Somber                              Humorous

Restricting                         Liberating

Artificial                             Natural

Belligerent                         Peaceful

May your relationships, including the one to your self, be a blessing and be blessed.