I was asked how one demonstrates they love someone without any money. I thought it odd that money was tied to the demonstration of love so I had to ask for more information. It turns out the family dynamic is such that the “gift” is a “demonstration of love” and “no gift”-means “no love”. Yuck. Now, to many of us this may seem warped, obviously askance from what is common knowledge, you can love someone and not feel obligated to buy them a gift. But, check out for yourself, if changing the word from “gift” to “time”, or “attention”, or a specific “act” of doing doesn’t have you rethinking the fact that you have a “love list”?
Here are some samples of “love list items”: You’ll cook dinners or take me out to dinners I like. You’ll call if late You’ll agree with me You’ll see a movie because I want to see it You won’t rock the boat say uncomfortable truths like: your partner drinks too much. You’ll listen even if you don’t feel like it You’ll do the laundry even if you don’t feel like it Keep your job even if you don’t feel like it You’ll let me sleep in and take the kids
Clearly, being in relationship with another means trust, responsibility, respect. The down side to any love list your partner doesn’t know about? They could not call, thinking you are busy and don’t want to disturb you, having no understanding you interpret it to mean, “you don’t love me”. One thing about the Holidays and extra time with family, our love lists tend to show up. Be kind to yourself, and be clear about your “love lists.” Realize they are just a thought you have and you need to stop believing it’s true. Letting go of our expectations of what Love means according to the ego’s love list, allows Love to show up how it really is: Unconditional
In case your ego monkey-mind is jumping up and down saying, but when you love someone you do those things on the list! Please remember, it is much better to claim responsibility for your own needs, and make requests to have them met. But not to confuse need and unconditional Love.
Unconditional Love is the energy that remains even if the other person is behaving poorly. Love is the energy that is left even when you have to say goodbye. Love carries no weight to it. It lifts you up above the circumstance. Love is something you are a part of but extends beyond you and is shared. Love is beyond our understanding.
Love of the ego is always conditional. It’s based on the “Love List”. Our journey in Earth School explores the mystery of the Unconditional Love of Spirit and the conditional love of the ego’s world, knowing full well we can only serve one Master.
Most of us do not live and practice unconditional love even when aspire to do just that. I like to pick a day, as often as I can summon the courage, to Love regardless. To not even be able to notice the defects or shortcomings of another and accept them as the perfect illumined being they authentically are. It’s not easy, and I am very much a beginner: my ego mind has so many cleaver and sophisticated ways to present things so it doesn’t sound like I am conditionally loving when in fact I am. Arrrgh.
Despite all of this ego cleverness, I am willing. I can testify the entire Universe comes to support a willing Spirit. My lack of perfection is of no account, because it is a power with in that does the work, not I. Sound familiar? I thought so. I’ve just told you what I will be doing on the Holiday I celebrate: Christmahkwanzamadon (smile). I invite you to join me. Where two or more are gathered (in spirit)…. the tipping point is. May your blessing tickle you daily, may Love whisper in your ear every moment of every day, and may you be free to be your Authentic self.
Karen
Thanks, Karen, for this post. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot of late. Definitely, when I stop expecting so darned much I’m a lot happier.
Ole!