Thanks for the timely article about what is under all of the consuming. (It can be read here: http://bit.ly/2r8JoX) I have a question about family traditions. I’m married, we don’t really practice any religion–but I long for a deeper sense of meaning. I am worried about my kids, the consumer bug has them. My husband Mr. “just don’t worry be happy” doesn’t want to discuss what I think I see. But it feels like avoidance to me and unhealthy. I don’t want to be looking for problems, but don’t know what to do.
Awakening is often described as messy. I disagree it is a necessary attribute of awakening, but do agree it is a frequent one. If you can accept two things: 1. You are changing and so is your life 2. The change is necessary, because it is the nature of life: then you stop leaking energy on trying to keep the outer picture perfect.
Obviously your comment, “Mr. don’t worry be happy” is meaningful. In our discussions you mentioned that your husband is living on the surface of life, and you are unfulfilled in that same milieu.
We have so many un-realistic, stifling notions about life and relationships in our culture. One such notion you seem to be suffering from is your husband is your decider. Another part of your difficulty is you want your husband to be happy with choices you do make. In essence he is your cop out.
This is dysfunction at it most basic level. You are not, and can never be responsible for another’s happiness. By failing to step up to the responsibility of making you-self happy, you are unable to present with your heart and speak what lies buried inside.
As you noted, it is not just living on the surface that has you unfulfilled, it is also having relationships that exist on the surface bereft of any sacred component.
I strongly suggest you journal, freely about your ideal marriage. No editorializing or truncation via ego judgments of, “It’s impossible”. Ask your heart to speak to you and promise it you will listen. Here are some of the components to an ideal relationship I heard you describe:
A deep commitment to exploration and growth
A sense of support and presence from your beloved for life and this growth
A mutual respect for idea’s opinions
The reality is, if your Spirit has left the relationship, then so have you. The sooner you come to terms with the implications of your years of silence the better the chances you have of co-creating the relationship of your hearts desire.
In the meantime, this holiday season is a wonderful way to begin your exploration of your inner-life. What does it mean to have the light inside you be ignited? What is awakening? Spirituality is not a religion. It is the quest for the meaning of Life. Religion can help or hinder this quest depending on your baggage about religion. Each religion has it traditions, and it’s mystical roots. I would suggest you stay away from the dogma and look at the roots. One thing is for certain, when the light is awakened, the entire Universe comes to your aide. You will be guided to the sacred material that is a match for your first steps on the journey. I would suggest you constantly affirm your willingness to receive the aide, and express gratitude when you do.
To your last question of me, “Will you get a divorce?” Clearly that is beyond my vision. But I can see the worry you have that you will divorce if you pursue your Spiritual Awakening. This is what has been causing you the most pain.
Here is what I can tell you: Have faith in the Spiritual DNA that is unfolding in your life. Your relationship is meant to be the greatest learning device for both you and your husband, it’s form is immaterial to your Spirit. Letting go of all of the unrealistic notions about relationships and what a marriage “is” allows you to focus on the content of your life, not be stuck with the form.
One last, very important thing to remember: You can never, ever tell what someone’s Spiritual Journey is by looking at the outside. The Divine is at work in your husband, as surely as it is at work in you.
Be Vigilant to any thoughts that are tempted to evaluate another journey
I can hear the truth of what you are saying, and yet I can feel the resistance. Why is that? I know it is true, but I don’t want to do that which I know I must do. I feel like this should be easy, if I am supposed to do it, then why all the struggle? Arguh.
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