Karen Monroy

For most of us, life is happening fast. Our ability to untangle thoughts from emotions and cause from effect is lost in this “busy-busy” life.

Do you know which comes first? The thought or the emotion?

Have you ever said, “you make me so happy” or “you make me so mad?”

This entanglement of emotion and thinking is nothing new. What is newer is a premise that says we have the ability to sort out our internal static—with out much effort. We just need to think positively, have goals, take steps to meet the goals……..sound familiar?

Humans may be basic in some measures, but overall our complexity has confounded us through-out the millennia. If it really was as simple as thinking positively (although it does help like an aspirin for a fever) then we’d all be fine by now.

The initial positive thinking, goal achieving, step making works. For a short period of time. Folks feel hopeful, see some progress, and then realize something is missing. A nagging feeling tells them there has been a fundamental miss-step—so naturally they go back over their formula, plan, steps and –wait for it—do them again!

Here’s the miss-step:

Folks confuse their life with a garden.

In a garden it works to plant over crap to grow what you want.

In your life, you have to dig the crap out, let it go, and put in new soil. The crap out is a psychological process. The new soil in is a spiritual process.

Try this: (this is only for the very courageous)

Sit in a common place—a place like your office chair, your sofa and for 60 minutes, just be. No agenda, nothing to do, follow your breath. Keep your focus on it and return to the breath when you notice you are lost in something else.

When the 60 minutes is up, journal about what happened, how you felt, what you did or didn’t do, your thoughts.

Here are common reactions to this exercise:

*I began doing something and it was a minute or two before I realized I was even doing what I was doing!

*I didn’t realize how many sounds, and stimulus was in this environment

*After a few minutes I was agitated. And it built.

*Constant mind chatter, commenting on every stimulus.

*One thought lead to another—just mental vomit—no meaning

*Boy does the mind wander!

*I have no control over my thinking—it is habitual and automated by input.

*I live an illusion that I am in control of me.

No one has to tell you what this experience means. Every person who does this gets the impact: they do not know how to be—only do. This epiphany is usually a window to a whole new You. In your present state, old you is controlled by circumstances and events and people outside of you. The illusion that you are in control is laid plain as day in front of you.

The old you will want to ignore all of your experience.

The new you understands the meaning of power now. If you are to claim your birth right and be a powerful person, you must accept that you are meant to be cause in your life—not at the effect of circumstances.

You must think your thoughts, not your thoughts think you.

If you are courageous enough to try this exercise for your own growth, I can promise you the new you will suit you much better, handle the circumstances of your life much better and will be much happier.

The pendulum on a clock adeptly depicts the cycles of our lives, our culture and our times. In the middle of the pendulum we enjoy the illusion of calm and certainty. At either end of the pendulum, the upswing feels invigorating with possibilities of the new and the downswing feels like the ice that gripped the Titanic. Depending on the person or group that is viewing the pendulum each arc of the device will be judged to be “good”, “not good yet” or “bad” or “on the way to bad”.

We are always in-between the old and the new, the upswing and the downswing, what was and what will be. Some are more comfortable than others with this sense of in-between-ness. How we adapt is the process of evolution—social, personal, cultural or technological-the pendulum of evolution is always in full swing.

Evolution is a fact of living on this earth. Either you are evolving or you are dying. Conscious evolution comes from our desire to not argue with the inevitability of change.

Be it individual or group, in the process of evolution we can see the “old way” isn’t working; the “new way” isn’t clear.

We teeter-totter in the misfit state between two worlds. We try new actions and behaviors and don’t do them consistently or follow them up appropriately. The old has a tendency to creep back, undoing the new we have just done. We are getting inconsistent results in what we desire or prefer and we understand the meaning of “two steps forward one step back.” It is a painful place to be for both the society and the individual members of society. It’s like trying to occupy both sides of the grand canyon at the same time.

Behind this “old way” something vital is happening. Much like the snake shedding its skin, we are attempting to free ourselves from constraints that no longer work for who we need to become in order that we full-fill our life. Unlike the snake that is compelled to shed its skin by much wiggling and writhing—we are able to move through this becoming to the new us without the pain, if we are willing.

And here is the first hurdle: your belief that you have to learn through pain, your belief that pain is the only way people seem to learn and learning through Joy isn’t an option.

What would learning through joy look like in your own situation or the global situation?

What would it be like to accept the pain of the in-between moment– minus the suffering? How powerful would you be if you discern your part, and then do it and move on? Stop all the dwelling, arguing, analyzing and procrastinating?

Faking it until you are making it means acting as if you really are the new person, in the new world that is trying to be born.

I like to teach a 5 minute meditation: centering, breathing and lovingly putting the old you in a comfortable box. List as many behaviors of the old you that you want to leave behind. Worrying, complaining, powerlessness, victim-hood, gossiping, stingy, unappreciative, hurried, disconnected—what ever your lists looks like– write it down and put it in the box too.

If the “rational” part of you is saying something like, “this is just symbolic” I’ll remind you that so is money. You don’t disregard your symbolic paper money as being insignificant do you?

Affirm you’ll come back and open the box at the end of the day. This is just an experiment and the old stuff is just hanging out in the box for a temporary time period.

Then for one day fake it until you make it. (If things are dire—you may have to attempt this for just an hour.) Act like the creative, powerful, wise, strong, compassionate person you want to evolve into. Let your no’s be no and your yeses be yeses. Firmly affix in your mind the new persona. How they walk, talk, act, think—embody the entire new self. From putting a smile on your face, to feeling all the feelings the new you desires—your energy, your vibration and your thoughts shift.

The biggest hurdle most folks encounter at this stage is one of defending. Defending why or what they are doing.

“I have nothing to defend” is a must mantra.

You do not need to explain “why” you can take a meeting at four. “No, I can’t. What other times do you have available?” is the appropriate answer.

Feeling the need to justify, explain, sell, convince and defend are the warning signals the old you is wiggling out of the box. Whatever the circumstance or situation that presents itself is the perfect one for you to practice. Do not equivocate. The question foremost in your mind is, “how would the new me respond?” If needed, “Let me think about it”, is a good time-out response for regrouping and staying on track.

However long the time frame of “faking it” takes place, be sure to record how your experiment went.

*Notice how much better you felt than usually

*Notice the results of the day

*Notice the ease at which you accomplished what you needed

*Notice your current state-do you want the old you back?

*Notice your peace of mind

Generally with each practice of “faking it until you make it” the new you gracefully blooms.

No more writhing out of the old skin like the snake.

If you are not up to practicing the new you– proving it works or does not, kindly ask yourself if you are ready for the change you say you want in your life.

In the end, we either find ways to initiate healthy positive change—

or we stay in-between the old and the new, what was and what will be, with much unnecessary suffering.

Fake it, until you make it.

Try it you might like it.