Karen Monroy

(Karen’s note: I clarified Kris is dating two women who do not know he is dating other)

Hi Kris,

One of the first spiritual principals we work with (because it is foundational) is when we do not honor others: we dishonor our-self.

To me that is the crux of your question.

Being a spiritual guide has taught me there appears to be two sides of the matter (we live in a world of duality after all) the ego side and the spiritual side.

These two seemingly opposing sides are really meant to be working together as a team. Ego assisting in the navigation of earth school, taking commands from Spirit. Feet on the ground as it were, and head in the clouds.

While it is always easier to commit errors of “omission” than “commission”: the price you pay is the same. Being out of integrity with your-self automatically cuts you off from guidance-they very thing you need. Stop it. Loss of guidance is too high a price to pay for anything on this planet.

Clearly, dating two different women who think you are only dating them is out of integrity-for you and for them.

Kris, your reasons why: “it just happened, I didn’t plan it this way” are just excuses of the ego. Feeling the disquiet, ill-at-ease-with self-feeling, is your spirit letting you know you are out of integrity. The Universe, because it is kind and loving and wants us always to be in alignment with our true self is presenting you with the opportunity to do “clean-up”.

Your question (who should you spend the holidays with and what meaning would be implied) should be asked of each friend—only after a deep internal inquiry about what the relationship means for you, and why you have let yourself get in a circumstance that feels wrong to you.

Your current way of dealing with the two girlfriends: sliding though uncomfortable situations by any avoidance possible is a bad habit. Stop it.

Instead, Look at this circumstance as your opportunity to practice, given to you by a kind and loving universe that wants you to be happy.

Notice your discomfort with broaching the subject of what your relationship “is” with each friend, and therefore what it could mean if you went to a parent’s home for the holidays.

If you are honestly “lost” as to which girl to “pick” then don’t pick either.

I suspect from our conversation you are clear you have better sex with one, but prefer the company of the other. You want both girls-rolled into one.

This is the second foundational principal you are violating. In order for us to be guided, we must first accept what the situation is. We are not asked to “like it”: rather to not resist it. When we allow any unpleasant circumstance “in” we can be guided about what is ours to do (if anything).

Many couples with years of committed relationships have under-performing sex lives. Why? Because they do exactly what you are doing now-avoiding the issue.

Healthy sex lives is part of having bodies. So learning to communicate about it early in you life is a blessing. I would also ask you to consider getting professional help with this topic. Saying, “you just lay there” isn’t much help. Rather, affirming the affection you feel for someone, their kindness and tenderness,  wondering what you can do to enhance the sexual part of the relationship, and if they are interested in exploring this with you, is a more useful approach to your desired goals.

What present to buy either girlfriend, whom to spend the holidays with—these are all false ego concerns. Until you decide you want a joy-full not drama-full life, and commit to improve either relationship with integrity: the rest is just cheap drama.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 30th, 2009 at 12:57 pm and is filed under Changing the Energy, Monkey Mind AKA Ego, Personal/Spiritual Growth. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.