Comments on: “Sticky Holiday” Questions http://karenmonroy.com/blog/2009/11/24/sticky-holiday-questions/ A Blog About Life and Stuff that Happens Tue, 07 Sep 2010 21:25:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: toni http://karenmonroy.com/blog/2009/11/24/sticky-holiday-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-104 toni Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:00:35 +0000 http://karenmonroy.com/blog/?p=394#comment-104 Our children are young-6 mo. 2.5 yr.s and 5. My husband's mother wants us to come on Christmas eve and spend the night. My husband didn't check with me, and said, "sure." I found out via a phone call from my mother in-law saying she was so happy to finally have us Christmas morning. I have been working very hard at making our own family traditions, and part of those are to be in my children's home. I am very upset and want to yell at my husband and make him fix it. I thought I'd ask you before I did! Thanks Karen Our children are young-6 mo. 2.5 yr.s and 5. My husband’s mother wants us to come on Christmas eve and spend the night. My husband didn’t check with me, and said, “sure.” I found out via a phone call from my mother in-law saying she was so happy to finally have us Christmas morning.

I have been working very hard at making our own family traditions, and part of those are to be in my children’s home. I am very upset and want to yell at my husband and make him fix it. I thought I’d ask you before I did! Thanks Karen

]]> By: Kris http://karenmonroy.com/blog/2009/11/24/sticky-holiday-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-103 Kris Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:17:15 +0000 http://karenmonroy.com/blog/?p=394#comment-103 Hi Karen! I have been invited to two different girlfriends family's holiday celebrations. I like both girls but I am worried about what they will think this means--what their family will think this means and how to handle it. It also looks like I can't be two places at the same time, so should I be honest with the other girl about what I am doing? Or say I can't come? Hi Karen!

I have been invited to two different girlfriends family’s holiday celebrations. I like both girls but I am worried about what they will think this means–what their family will think this means and how to handle it. It also looks like I can’t be two places at the same time, so should I be honest with the other girl about what I am doing? Or say I can’t come?

]]> By: claire http://karenmonroy.com/blog/2009/11/24/sticky-holiday-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-102 claire Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:14:04 +0000 http://karenmonroy.com/blog/?p=394#comment-102 Every holiday there is tension because my parents parent my children--the way they parented me when I was young. This way doesn't work at all. Yelling, blaming, shaming. I have tried many ways to lay boundaries. I am comfortable I have done a good job and they do not respect the boundaries. I am torn about being with family, and being happy. Do I need to be drastic and not see them for the holiday? Thanks Karen! Every holiday there is tension because my parents parent my children–the way they parented me when I was young. This way doesn’t work at all. Yelling, blaming, shaming. I have tried many ways to lay boundaries. I am comfortable I have done a good job and they do not respect the boundaries. I am torn about being with family, and being happy.

Do I need to be drastic and not see them for the holiday? Thanks Karen!

]]> By: Michelle http://karenmonroy.com/blog/2009/11/24/sticky-holiday-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-101 Michelle Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:09:24 +0000 http://karenmonroy.com/blog/?p=394#comment-101 Hi Karen, My family is scattered all across the country. My siblings and I call each other on Christmas. Inevitably they tell me about what our parents have given them--and ask me what mom and dad got for me. It is clear my present is materially less. This is for many reasons. I was "trouble" in my teen years. I was angry, acted out and caused much pain for my parents. Even though I am a different person today, they still are angry with me--and every holiday remind me by sending a present late or one that is "not like the others". I used to be in a lot of pain over this and have worked on releasing it. I would like to be able to have a response to my siblings that doesn't validate me being a victim of the parents anger any more. Hi Karen, My family is scattered all across the country. My siblings and I call each other on Christmas. Inevitably they tell me about what our parents have given them–and ask me what mom and dad got for me. It is clear my present is materially less. This is for many reasons. I was “trouble” in my teen years. I was angry, acted out and caused much pain for my parents. Even though I am a different person today, they still are angry with me–and every holiday remind me by sending a present late or one that is “not like the others”.

I used to be in a lot of pain over this and have worked on releasing it. I would like to be able to have a response to my siblings that doesn’t validate me being a victim of the parents anger any more.

]]> By: charlotte http://karenmonroy.com/blog/2009/11/24/sticky-holiday-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-99 charlotte Wed, 25 Nov 2009 01:53:21 +0000 http://karenmonroy.com/blog/?p=394#comment-99 It can be done in baby steps. I don't need anything and the stuff I want (like fruity body lotion) doesn't cost much, but my inlaws are shop-aholics. Last year I got them to agree to picking names out of a hat but this year they balked. But guess what? Instead of going back to insane gift buying for everyone under the sun they came up with a very low monetary cap on all gifts and we agreed to do dutch on a gift for MIL. I am making progress. It can be done in baby steps. I don’t need anything and the stuff I want (like fruity body lotion) doesn’t cost much, but my inlaws are shop-aholics. Last year I got them to agree to picking names out of a hat but this year they balked. But guess what? Instead of going back to insane gift buying for everyone under the sun they came up with a very low monetary cap on all gifts and we agreed to do dutch on a gift for MIL. I am making progress.

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