I’m all for making life simpler. What I notice though, is unawareness leads to complicating life and most folks suffer from their unawareness of the ONE THING SYNDROME.
One example of this syndrome can be found in marketing and advertising. PR folks are paid to leverage your weak spot for this syndrome. Let me show you, from recent headlines in the “bigger” media circles:
- “10 Things You Can Do To Take Control of Your Money”
- “5 Steps To better Sex With Your Partner”
- “3 Easy Organizing Methods That Will Change Your Life”
- “The Best Gadgets for 2010”
The strategy is this: Left side of human brains is wired for definition. If you say there are 10 things, the unaware brain doesn’t question the number 10—it just prepares to receive 10 things. You’re hooked.
My stomach somersaulted a few days ago when I was asked to contribute to an article, “11 Ways to Hook Your Client Psychologically.”
Choices demonstrate character. I am noticing folks giving themselves permission to do things that, quite frankly, I don’t think they have the Karma points (or the dollars) to pay for! With the economy seeming to intensify this effect, I’d like to help you with a few concepts to ground you for the holiday season “launch.”
To begin: someone can always take advantage of your lack of awareness—but just practicing awareness eliminates this! Using the spiritual tool of compassionate curiosity, inquire: “What made me attracted to this article/product?”
For example, in an article titled “10 Best Beaches in the World” I saw the most beautiful picture of a beach. I thought, “Wow! It would be great to be on that pristine beach.” Naturally, the advertiser was hoping the picture would give viewers an ‘itch’ that would be ‘scratched’ by their calling the travel agent to book a trip. In my case, awareness pointed out that I was resonating with the quietness and solitude in the picture. I reflected how busy I had been—whirlwind busy, in fact—and I realized I needed to put some “chill” time on the books!
Clearly most folks do not think they are impulsive. PR pro’s know that you are impulsive to the power of seven! Once you see something seven times, the seed has been planted. If you lack of awareness (that the seed is planted) you’ll find yourself in Macy’s buying a coat you don’t need, because “it is a great deal.”
The second point: you can never escape starting from where you are. That list of 10 things may be an okay list—AND it may not be your list. All the lists are designed to sell you something—a product or a service or both. If you don’t know where you are, it is a daunting task to pick the product or service that is best for you. Knowing where to begin is assisted by knowing the REAL YOU: You are an individualized expression of the Divine. Knowing that kind of makes most “stuff” look like “crap.” Doesn’t it?
The question, “What exactly is truly helpful to a Spirit on its journey here in earth school?” is entirely different from the question “How much stuff can I get?” Don’t fool yourself. Don’t waste energy trying to fool yourself. If your real self will benefit from a purchase, you’ll know it. A week, two weeks or two years after the purchase, you’ll still be glad you bought it.
The third point: we have to be grown-up enough to know this “one thing syndrome” is the cause of many of our troubles and unhappiness. Here are some examples of the syndrome I’ve heard on my recent workshop/book tours:
*“When the kids get to junior high, then I can …”
*“When my husband stops drinking, then I can …”
*“When I find a job, then I can …”
*”We’ll have a baby when……”
*”Just a few more years of this, then I can …”
I am sure that you have your favorite “when X happens, things will be different.” I know I had mine and I am tempted from time to time to make the list. I also know how dramatically different life became when I decided to be happy anyway. Cancer? Fine, I am going to be happy anyway. Disabled Child? Totally fine, I am going to be happy anyway.
Don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying it is easy. In fact, it is arduous—AND it works. I am not saying do not have feelings. In fact, it is imperative to your happiness that you have the feelings. Underlying the emotions, however, is the commitment to happiness anyway. Yes, spend your effort looking for a way to overcome the cancer AND also look for reasons to be happy now. It’s a “both/and” practice.
When people ask me what I most attribute to my health to? I tell them the part I could control—finding things to be happy about. The rest I leave to God.
Letting go of this “one thing syndrome” –this false advertising concept that there are things outside of us that can allow us to be happy— is always the precursor to sustainable happiness. Otherwise, you ride the roller coaster of “yippee, I got something” and “darn, I need something.”
Over the years I have learned that this syndrome is tied to our “ouch” list. Whereever we are wounded in life, the places that need healing have us looking on the outside for the one, four, or ten things that will fill that unconscious void.
I invite you to begin your holiday season with the affirmation, “I am a child of the Universe, no longer in need of anything to fill me up.” If that doesn’t fit, try the help affirmation, “I don’t know what I need, but I am willing to learn and I’ll start with awareness. Help me.”
I encourage you to check into my blog frequently this holiday season—I’ll be answering questions about how to handle sticky holiday situations! As always, you are invited to hit “reply” and send me your own questions. I always keep the anonymity; however if you want me to keep your question private, please let me know and I will only answer you.
The first question on my blog is: “Most of my family is into gift giving. I have tried to talk them into all different ways, pick a name, white elephant exchange and even no gifts. I can’t get them to budge! I am tired of being in this agony over buying gifts, feeling resentful and tired of the fighting with my husband over this too! Help.”
Thanks for the timely article about what is under all of the consuming. I have a question about family traditions. I’m married, we don’t really practice any religion–but I long for a deeper sense of meaning. I am worried about my kids, the consumer bug has them. My husband mr. “just don’t worry be happy” doesn’t want to discuss what I think I see. But it feels like avoidance to me and unhealthy. I don’t want to be looking for problems, but don’t know what to do.
It’s seems crazy how easy it is for me to get hooked. I realized I have been reading “the lists” feel lacking and behind and out of touch that my life isn’t looking like the lists. Arguh. I know you have taught me better! How did this happen.
What would you say to me?
Stop whining, I am leaking energy. Check
Breathe. Quiet time. Oops
Who am I? not on the list. Check.
Take that critical voice that says I am not enough and give it choclate and a scotch on the rocks. Then ignore it. Check!
What am I afraid of? Yikes ego running amuck. Sigh.
Are you willing to be happy? Check Mate.
You don’t have to send me one of your books–I bought one–will you sign it for me? Love Kami
Karen!
You are right on it! Anytime we give power to something outside ourselves we are in trouble. This being the nature of the ego will always tell you the better moment is other than this one! Thank you for the work you do in this world and I look forward to reading more of your articles!! See you on the Snap Out of It Show!
What a great and important message you have written. I have shared it with many and the good news is that is resonates with each one. So in essence, I think collectively, we are creating a new consciousness about money, values and the crazies that come with commercialism for the holidays! Whew! That was a long sentence….but you get the gist. Thank you Karen for bringing this to light!!
It is so easy to get sucked into those lists. To have your life compartmentalized like that would be such a relief, but of course life doesn’t really work that way. I am not hooking in with the Black Friday Fever, I am going to the gym to take care of myself instead.
Thanks for the timely article as this year with the economy shaky, energy for many all over the place you gave me a breath of fresh perspective. It amazes me that I can, fully knowing spirit much of the time can sink and sense the must have energy as I would call it. I must have this new computer, upgrade my software etc. I also realize I already have my spirit, my center of awareness totally in place like a tool kit always ready to be used. Thanks for the gentle but powerful reminder to work with what works and buy when really feel like buying instead of having to buy. To me; a huge difference in how I manage my energy.