Mindfulness is for everyone. I am reminded with a beautiful analogy from Thich, all spiritual traditions promote mindfulness: “each tradition is like a fruit, ripe and juicy. Put all the fruits together and you have delicious fruit salad”.
In case you don’t know what is meant by mindfulness I’d like to give you two examples of mindfulness in action.
Ben is more experienced and seasoned professional, but loves what appears to be Jeff’s enthusiasms and go get ‘em nature. Ben and Jeff decide to form a partnership, create a company and along the way become friends. Against advice given to Ben by his mentor, he creates a 50-50 partnership with Jeff.
Mindfulness tells us that we only see a part of something. The entire whole is always obscured based upon the way most of us function. Mindfulness isn’t raining on the positive or highlighting the negative. It is recognition there is always more than what our 5 sensory perceptions would indicate. Mindfulness is openness to this unknown “more”.
After 7 years, Ben must for his sanity and financial survival leave the partnership with Jeff. During formation of the partnership Ben was not mindful. If you asked him back then, he’d tell you about all the charts, graphs and spread sheets he compiled about the viability of the business. Ben, being extremely intelligent made detailed lists of factors to consider and did consider a vast and intertwining array of variables. But that isn’t the same as being mindful.
Today, Ben is the first to admit he overlooked much when partnering with Jeff. Jeff has judgmental and dismissive behaviors that make it hard to resolve issues. Jeff is effective in manipulation and doesn’t respect differing opinions. Jeff is a control freak.
Notice the key word, overlook. It isn’t that Ben didn’t see these things; his mind wasn’t a container to hold them, sort them, and respond to them. What he saw didn’t register with him, and in the rare moment he had some concerns he felt negative for noticing them.
Mindfulness is a state of awareness where in we do not try to have something be other than what it is. It is a state of openness, presence and attention on what is happening now. Most importantly, mindfulness teaches us about self. We notice if we are in discomfort. We notice if a personality or situation works or don’t work for us.
To be fair, Ben like most of us enjoys excitement about a new venture. We love to create and look at the possibilities; we love to demonstrate our creations. Ben used to see mindfulness or “coming back to himself” as a downer or excitement killer. Now he understands the both/and approach of mindfulness. Being both excited and aware.
In Ben’s new work situation, he is happily creating processes and best practices without the limitations of his circumstance with Jeff. He is mindful there is always more. Never quick to make a choice and then close his mind. In mindfulness we are self directed, not “other” directed. We are not easily manipulated and apt to leak energy on circumstances or situations. We are connected to wisdom in Mindfulness. We see the impermanent nature of things. We see that if we allow ourselves to just Be, and let everything else be, we see differently. With this different vision, we make different choices.
If we are bothered by how things are, reactive, pushing, trying to force an outcome we loose this mindfulness. This is the case with Sam and her mom Sophie.
Sophie’s father was an artist. A pretty decent artist. She immigrated to the States with much of her father’s art during WWII. Sophie has cherished the art, as she idolized her father. She has passed this meme onto her daughter Sam. Sophie is consumed with getting her father’s art public. In her ripe old age of 79 she has spent her entire life consumed with this purpose. Sophie has begun passing the torch onto Sam. Sophie see’s the fame she feels her father deserves may not be realized in her life time. She is demanding and tense with Sam over this task.
Sam is in her 50’s. Through awareness Sam has had the epiphany it is her mother’s wish for her grandfather’s art to be famous, and she doesn’t share this desire to the degree her mother does. For many years, she joined her mom in the quest, without any thought to her own desires, or the sacrifice the job may require.
At first in this realization of a conflict in desire Sam tried to cajole, reason and debate her mother on the merits of the task. When Sam applied mindfulness to the situation, she could see her discomfort with disappointing her mom and letting that be. She could see her guilt at not wanting the same thing her mother has wanted all these years. And Sam could see she could let it be. Not trying to smooth it over, make it all okay or keep asking for her mother to change allowed Sam different choices in her behavior.
Sam kept affirming for her mom how hard it must be to not have achieved what she wanted to regarding her father’s art. Sam kept noticing with each act of awareness, accepting what was, letting it be, the energy shifted and the situation got easier. Continued mindfulness allowed Sam to honor her mother and not become polarized with her over the difference in desires. Sam knows she isn’t ever seeing everything that is occurring. Sam knows that 5 sensory perceptions only give us part of the story. But she isn’t reactive to that knowledge—she is open to guidance, she is mindful to a perspective she would not have otherwise.
I was blessed by taking time for Sangha and Dharma talks last week with Thich Nhat Hanh. Thich was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Dr. Martin Luther King, the year King won it. He is a wise teacher, and unlike many holy men is very much in touch with “everyday” life.
Thich reminded us the difficulty we have with mindfulness if we do not have a Beloved Community, or Sangha. Mindfulness doesn’t occur naturally, but with our initiative, and our willingness. And Mindfulness progress’ is supported with Sangha.
Both Ben and Sam are members of a Beloved Community. Their friends, spiritual practice and professional support work together for Mindfulness. So much can change for us when we open to receive. Notice that no one else changed in their circumstance so that they could be happy. Happiness is generated by their Mindfulness.
Practicing Mindfulness can be as simple as following your breath, following a sound or noticing your thoughts. We can eat, bathe and do chores mindfully. We can move during our day mindfully and we can interact with others and life mindfully.
Set your intention; give yourself over to a mindful practice and a Sangha to support you in Mindfulness. Your burdens will be lighter, and life happier.
wow. It had never clicked for me before how to apply mindfulness. I thought I had to go to a nunnery. Thanks!
I have been practicing mindfulness for some time. While your article is simple, it isn’t easy. Thank you for the reminder to practice. PS love the post on Monkey Mind–free rent. That was really great.
I really like this entry. I am the director of a 14 bed treatment facility for mentally ill adults and teach a mindfulness group there. This entry embodies what I try to teach. I am also a recovering alcoholic and formerly depressed person. Mindfulness practice was an important part of my recovery. I tell the story in my book “In Pursuit of Joy”
Hi Gary, Blessings for your courage and willingness to serve. Working in a treatment facility is hard work. It seems counter intuitive that noticing simple things could make such a big impact. But I always tell folks–try it for one week, regularly and see for yourself. It isn’t like it won’t be obvious! You’ll have to tell me more about your book–shoot me an email.